Saving a Life.

A few days ago, someone I went to high school with, who was in my grad class, whom I have never spoken to, sent me an e-mail saying he wanted to commit suicide and needed someone to talk to. 

I said I would talk to him.  How would you feel if you said no, and he actually did kill himself because you wouldn't listen to him?

The thing is, I feel like this is God telling me which career path I should head towards.  I've been learning how to counsel someone in Hecol 315, and learning all the skills and strategies to help prevent and advise someone in need.

Right now, I'm really scared I'll say the wrong thing and he will end up killing himself.

But how could I say no?

Stressed?

I went to the doctor yesterday to ask about my "problem".  She told me that a huge factor was stress.  She then asked me if I've been stressed lately and I answered "No." Without thinking.  Afterwards... and after a lot of thinking, I think I have been stressed... very.

1.  His mom.  I just get so mad and unhappy whenever she's home or talks to me... because whenever she does, it's always about a criticism or some OCD bs.

2.  He doesn't seem to want me over.  Everytime I am, I'm doing my thing and he's doing his homework.  But every few minutes he'd slam his hands on the table and swear... and yells "I DON'T GET IT".  And I get so... frustrated because in the end he always gets the answer.  So what was the point of being so... mad at nothing when you're going to get the answer in the end?  And when I try to help him, he'd say "I don't understand you." Ugh... at least I'm trying?

3. My brother is the worst thing that has ever happened to my family.  He disgraces us.  He's rude to my mom, doesn't care about my dad, and only cares about getting girls.  He doesn't do any homework or study, and only focuses on getting rich by getting people to pay him for doing homework for them...

4. This other worry has been on my mind... the though and feeling of wanting to please everyone, even if it means hurting myself.  Like, all I want is to have close friends, but I don't want to act fake...

5. Volunteer work at the hospital... will I even have the time?

6. The future and what I should do about my program...

---
I guess I am stressing a lot about everything... and I didn't even notice it.  But the one question that's in my mind right now is... "Am I depressed?"  I want to answer no.  I'm not 100% sure but I'm pretty confident that I'm not? 


I just need something to get my mind off stress... I want this health issue to stop. Now.

Don't Know What to Name This.

Was just thinking back to what he said to me all those years ago.  "You'll always be alone".


Oh my dear ex, you do not know how true that is.  I know I have friends and such... but the closer I see my other friends get to my other ones... I get jealous... and then I get emo and then I feel like I'm alone.

I know I shouldn't feel this way because I know I have great friends here, like Jenn and Ray and Essie.  I just can't stop these thoughts.  That's all.

Don't know why I feel so hurt...

8 more hours.

What hurts the most about leaving,

is seeing the life I could've had if I stayed.

Cuz let's face it,


my Edmonton self is waaaay different than my Vancouver self.


so the big question is,

who is my real self?

BULLSHIT.

i was so looking forward to seeing you today. like i always am.

but no, you give me the cold shoulder and don't even seem like you want to see me.  you're always like that now, getting emo for no freaking reason and not answering me when i ask you what's wrong.


and whenever i tell you to choose something, you always say you don't know.  and when i choose it for you, you complain about it. wtf. >.>

seriously what you told me before the start of the school year, that you would spend more time with me, and try to make me happier and less lonely... i just feel like you were just sugar coating it for me on my birthday.

in other words, you told me a lie to make me happier.

i'm not happier. hell, i think i was happier last year.

like, i understand you're in engineering, and you're busy.  but you still have time to do other things with david? what about me?

i hate how you get emo at random times (or all the time) and it PISSES. ME. OFF. SO. MUCH.

thanks for telling me you'll be there for me.
when in reality, you aren't.